"Cadence" In Tandem Coaching's Newsletter Web:
http://www.intandemcoaching.com/ Email:
mailto:JoanneH@intandemcoaching.com
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Note from Joanne
Hello!
These past few weeks I have been mostly nose to the
grindstone, so I don’t have any exotic adventures or
weekend trips to report. During my leisure hours, I
continue to work on my fitness and endurance. I have a
specific goal, a 72-mile bicycle ride around Lake
Tahoe this June. There’s not much time left! This
will be a tandem ride with my husband, Alexander.
My first date with Alexander was a tandem bicycle
ride; we’ve now been married for 9 years and own a
custom-designed tandem bike we call “Deep Purple.” It
does not take a stretch to see how I came up with my
business name.
In addition to capturing a part of my personal
history, my business name also describes my coaching
philosophy.
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Feature Article
Featuring: Ask The Coach!
I had so much fun responding to this issue’s Ask the
Coach question that I spent quite a bit of time,
thought, and space on my response. I promised you a
concise newsletter; so I’m keeping my promise by
omitting the feature article this time.
I hope you enjoy my response to a fellow introvert,
that you find something helpful that you can apply to
your situation also, and that many more of you take
advantage of Ask the Coach. It’s my favorite part of
this newsletter.
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Success Made Simple (SMS)Tip
Know your preferred learning style (visual, auditory,
or kinesthetic). When you want to learn something new
or acquire a new skill, seek training in the modality
you prefer. For example: books for visual learners,
recordings for auditory learners, hands-on workshops
for kinesthetic learners.
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Ask the Coach
Q. My boss is an attorney and is very smart and yet
very arrogant. I am a CPA and thru coaching sessions
have learned that I am an introvert. When I am
meeting with my boss and he asks me a question, I like
to take my time when I answer questions. I like to
think about what I am going to say rather than just
blurt something out. For my boss, this is a sign that
I either don’t know the answer or he might have a
better thought. So he interrupts me and doesn’t let
me finish my sentence or my thought process.
Sometimes he doesn’t even let me begin my sentence.
This is extremely frustrating. I’m not the only one
that he does this with. Others in my group have also
complained to me about the same issue. What can I do
as an introvert to let him know that I don’t
appreciate being interrupted and I have good ideas as
well. He thinks he is always correct or has the
better answer. What can I do?
A. Clearly this situation bothers you, and it is not
surprising because introverts generally hate to be
interrupted and dislike interrupting others.
Introverts in the workplace often struggle with having
their well-thought-out responses (often delayed due to
our long processing time) misconstrued as hesitancy or
lack of confidence in our ideas. My question for you
is, what bothers you more:
1. That you are not allowed to finish speaking, or
even start speaking?
OR
2. That your boss (in your opinion) does not think
you have good ideas?
Let me oversimplify to make a point – introverts need
to think before they know what to say; extroverts need
to talk before they know what to think. I suspect
your boss, probably an extrovert, needs to answer his
own questions, aloud, just to clarify his thinking.
He may be using you as a thinking partner without you
realizing it. In other words, he may not be
interested in your answer, but he could be interested
in your ability to help him refine his own answer. On
the other hand, he could be interested in your answer
and may not be aware that he is cutting you off. He
probably assumes that you process information in the
same way and that you will speak and interrupt as you
see fit.
That said, here’s a few things you can try, depending
on what you really want to achieve (see questions
above):
1. Buy yourself some thinking time by asking
clarifying questions. Get your boss to expand on his
original question.
2. Show off your introvert listening skills. If he
quickly answers his own question, ask questions about
his answer. If you need even more time, just say it!
I like to say something along the lines of “You know,
I have some preliminary ideas but they are not
completely formed. Let me think about that.” Or “I
want to go back and check my resources/refresh my
memory before I give you an informed response.” If I
am feeling very secure with this person, I keep it
light and humorous and say something like “The wheels
in my head are already spinning on this one; I’m
waiting for them to finish before I give my answer.”
3. Point out, as neutrally as possible, that you were
interrupted and would like to finish your thought. You
don’t even have to use the “i” word; just say “I want
to make sure you heard my complete response; I had not
finished speaking…”
4. If the question is not a time-critical one, then
you can follow up the verbal meeting with an email or
written memo summarizing your response in writing. It
can be a more thorough restatement of your input
offered in the meeting, or additional insights you
gained after you had “time to think about it.”
5. Consider the possibility that after you have
allowed your boss to answer his own question and
clarify his thinking, he might be more open to
listening to what you have to say. So instead of
trying to beat him to the punch, let him do his thing
and then you do yours.
My final thought: for your own emotional well-being,
separate your boss’ behavior (what he does) from your
interpretation of his behavior (what you think it
means).
Click Here to Ask the Coach
mailto:JoanneH@intandemcoaching.com
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Joanne's Hype-Free Recommendation Zone
This issue’s Ask the Coach question got me thinking
about introverts in the workplace. Here are a few
resources you might find helpful:
The Successful Introvert: How to Enhance Your Job
Search and Advance Your Career by Wendy Gelberg. I
have this book on my to-read list (among so many other
books) so I cannot give detailed feedback on it yet.
http://tinyurl.com/d8tzlm
Do What You Are: Discover the Perfect Career for You
Through the Secrets of Personality Type by Paul D
Tieger & Barbara Barron-Tieger. Helpful if you know
your Meyers-Briggs personality type; not so much if
you don’t. All 16 types are covered. In addition to
suggested occupations for each type, the book includes
type-specific suggestions on “Using Your Strengths”
regardless of position held, and tips to customize
your job search according to your type.
http://tinyurl.com/cpybp5
200 Best Jobs for Introverts by Laurence Shatkin, PhD.
I have this book also; it’s not something I recommend
reading cover to cover. It’s more of a reference book
that you can use to brainstorm and research career
choices that might appeal to your introvert
preferences. There is no distinction of types within
the introvert spectrum, as in the book above. I have
to add, that I think you need to consider specifics of
the job environment as well as the career. As a former
biostatistician, I was in a typical “introvert’s”
career, but I held many a job where there were
frequent meetings, lack of privacy, and expectations
of socializing with customers. In other words, the job
environment was not introvert-friendly. My take is to
not stop at career choice; assess each job opportunity
for its fit as well. http://tinyurl.com/ccs82h
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Thanks so much!
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