"Cadence" In Tandem Coaching's Newsletter
Web: http://www.InTandemCoaching.com
Email: mailto:JoanneH@intandemcoaching.com
Follow me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/intandem
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Note from Joanne
Hello!
By the time you receive this issue of Cadence, I will
be visiting my (large) family in Maryland. My family,
all of whom live on the US East Coast, consists of: my
parents, four brothers, three sisters, four sisters-
in-law, two brothers-in- law, one aunt, one uncle,
five nephews, four nieces. Whew! It makes for large,
noisy, almost overwhelming gatherings, especially for
this introvert. I don’t go back east very often,
however, so I am looking forward to seeing everyone
again and catching up with the nieces and nephews, who
seem to be growing up so fast.
And then there’s the food: don’t get me started on
food! Some of you already know I’m a raging foodie and
so is the rest of my family. Our family gatherings are
always centered on lots of wonderful, home-cooked
food. The food highlight for me will be fresh-cooked
Maryland blue crabs; something I don’t get very often
(i.e. never) living in the hot dry Southwest.
I neglected to mention my husband, Alexander (who is
Swiss) and his relatives; they all live in Switzerland
(except Alexander, of course). Unfortunately for this
visit I won’t be seeing any of my Swiss relatives, so
they are not included in my “family member count”
above, just for simplicity’s sake.
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Feature Article
Avoid these Two Words and Bring Your Self-Sabotage to
an End
I choose my words carefully. Always have, always will.
It's part of my personality, but beyond that, I've
realized how the words you use can really propel you
towards success, OR get in your way. As a coach, I
often hear two words from my clients that set off
alarm bells (well it's not quite that dramatic, but
you get the idea): can't and should.
I Can't...
What this phrase really means:
* I can not
* I am physically unable to
* It is impossible
Phrases that may describe your situation more
accurately:
* I have not been able to yet
* I'm not willing to
* I don't want to
* I don't know how to
* I'm too scared to
See the difference? If you believe the first list, no
wonder you have trouble succeeding. Can you also see
how choosing the relevant phrase from the second list
points to a solution or course of action? Here's an
example: as a solo entrepreneur, you wish to increase
market exposure through public speaking. But you tell
yourself: "I can't give a speech!" This stops you in
your tracks. Instead, what if you tell yourself "I'm
too scared to give a speech." This would suggest your
next course of action would be to find courses or
workshops that address fear of public speaking (or
join Toastmasters, as I did). Or, perhaps you need to
acknowledge that you are really not willing to give a
speech (I'm a big proponent for doing what you want to
do). This acknowledgment allows you to move on and
consider alternate ways to increase market exposure.
I Should...
What this phrase really means:
* I must
* I am compelled to
* I have to
* I am morally obligated to
* I need to
Phrases that may describe your situation more
accurately:
* I want to
* I choose to
* It would benefit me to
* Someone is expecting me to
* It would satisfy me to
* It would satisfy others to
The thing with should is that, if you fail to question
your "shoulds" you often find yourself doing things,
pursuing goals, that don't serve you. In other words,
wasting your time and energy that could be directed
elsewhere. When you find yourself saying or thinking a
"should," ask yourself the two MAGIC questions:
Who says I should? (If the answer is anyone other than
yourself, do you agree with the person who says "you
should") Why? (What result am I aiming for?)
Action Steps
All the knowledge and street smarts in the world won't
do you a bit of good if you don't IMPLEMENT it! So
try these action steps to see for yourself the power
of words:
1. During the next seven days of reading this, catch
yourself using can't or should in your conversation,
writing, or thinking. This can be difficult on your
own, so you can also ask a spouse, friend, coach, or
counselor to help you.
2. During your quiet time, reflection time, or
journaling time (and if you don't have such a time, it
would benefit you to establish a time), go over the
suggested phrases; ask yourself the MAGIC questions.
3. Choose the phrase (or better yet, come up with your
own wording) that accurately describes your situation.
Restate your thought with this new language. It helps
to write the new statement down, even if you
originally spoke it or thought it only.
4. Observe (and note, if you keep a journal) any
changes that result. For example, did you get any new
ideas on how to handle a problem? Did you decide to
"let go" of a few time- wasting activities? Did you
get unstuck?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joanne Recommends
Letting go of your “shoulds” can be challenging,
especially if you are doing it on your own. Hire a
coach (Me!) and make it easier on yourself. I am a
sworn enemy of the should. My Road Test coaching
package is a short-term (one month) introductory level
service. Available for new clients only. For more
info, visit my website at
http://www.intandemcoaching.com/Services.html or send
me an email at mailto:JoanneH@intandemcoaching.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Inspiration/Motivation Corner
It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you
think you're not. ~ Unknown
Too many people overvalue what they are not and
undervalue what they are. ~ Malcolm S. Forbes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ask the Coach
Do you have a burning question I can help you with?
Click here to Ask the Coach
mailto:JoanneH@intandemcoaching.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joanne's Hype-Free Zone
Disclaimer: Many of my recommendations use an
affiliate link, which means I get a small (often
miniscule) commission if you purchase using the link I
provide. I never recommend products or services that I
would not be willing to purchase myself (if I don’t
already own it).
Self-Promotion for Introverts: The Quiet Guide to
Getting Ahead by Nancy Ancowitz.
http://tinyurl.com/kur86e
Note that this book has not yet been released; you can
pre- order it by visiting the link. Thus I cannot give
it a strong recommendation, simply because I have not
read it. However, the topic is right on-point for many
of us, and I am indeed curious about what the author
has to say. I will most likely read it as soon as the
Kindle version is available.
The Introverted Leader: Building on Your Quiet
Strength by Jennifer B. Kahnweiler. This book is newly
released; I have not read it yet, but I do own it (on
my Kindle) and plan to read it while I’m on vacation.
Reviews on Amazon.com, so far, have been extremely
positive: 85% of reviews have given it the 5-star
rating. http://tinyurl.com/m3zkbv
~~~
Cadence grows by "word of email" so please feel free
to forward this newsletter onto anyone who you think
might enjoy it.
http://www.yourtellafriend.com/page/1457/tellafriend
Thanks so much!